Why People Don’t Act Kindly Despite It Being Free

You Must Appeal to Their Self-Interests

I saw a confession post today on Facebook, sharing the harsh reality: someone shared their struggles, hoping for support, but got hit with cruel comments instead. They pleaded for kindness, counting on the idea that people would respond from the heart.

But that rarely works.

Kindness—even when it seems free—usually needs a reason to show up. Because all human interactions are transactional. Unless there's something in it for them, people won’t bother. If you want to trigger kindness, appeal to what people care about. Their own interests.

Doing the right thing sounds good in theory, but in practice, it’s a weak motivator. People are busy, distracted, and tuned into their own benefits—whether that’s attention, status, or some future return.

The Facebook post missed that. Strangers don’t owe you anything. If you expect kindness with no upside for them, don’t be surprised when they scroll past. Here’s why kindness feels rare—and how to make it more common by showing what’s in it for them.

Why people don't act kindly?

Kindness sounds simple. A quick “hang in there” or a supportive emoji takes seconds. So why don’t people do it more often?

Because every action is weighed. Even the smallest ones.

If there’s no personal return—no recognition, no boost, no reciprocation—most people treat kindness as effort wasted.

Online, this shows up fast. Platforms like Facebook reward attention, and negative comments often pull it in faster. A cutting remark might rack up likes or make someone feel momentarily clever. Kindness, by contrast, gets buried. Post something supportive and you might get ignored—or worse, get mocked. It feels safer and more rewarding to say nothing or drop a snarky line.

Take the person who mocked that emotional Facebook post. They probably didn’t plan to be cruel. But when the moment came, they saw a chance to look clever, feel superior, or just let off steam. The original poster’s pain was just background noise. It wasn’t personal. It was a matter of priorities.

And offline? Same thing. Hold a door and hope for a thank you—you’re trading effort for a moment of acknowledgment. Compliment a coworker and hope it gets you goodwill later. When that payoff doesn’t come, it starts to feel like kindness was a bad investment.

Now zoom out to the internet, where stakes are low and social ties don’t exist. Why show up for someone you don’t know?

Kindness isn’t as “free” as people think. It costs time. Attention. Mental energy. There’s also risk—of being ignored, or made to feel stupid. When there’s no obvious return, people don’t spend it.

How to motivate people to act kindly

If we want more kindness, stop appealing to moral high ground. Start appealing to practical self-interest.

People aren’t broken for being self-interested. That’s just how most of us operate. So make kindness useful.

Build a reputation. On social platforms, being known as a decent human builds trust. That trust can open doors. A supportive comment might catch the attention of someone who becomes a client, collaborator, or fan. Being kind makes you memorable—for the right reasons. And that’s a long-term advantage.

Encourage reciprocity. We’re wired to return favors. A kind word now might lead to someone commenting on your next post or sharing something you write. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s way more effective than expecting people to act purely from goodwill. You’re planting seeds, sure. But not blindly. You’re making bets on how humans work.

Improve your experience. A kind gesture doesn’t just help someone else—it shifts your own mood. Leave a positive comment and you’re not just supporting them. You’re shaping your feed, your mindset, your online space. Small kindnesses become habits. And those habits change how people see you—and how you see yourself.

Start simple. Like something. Leave a quick “sending good vibes.” Toss out a supportive emoji.

These tiny acts stand out—especially on platforms where most people compete to be edgy or clever.

That Facebook confessor? Try replying with a short “Sorry you're going through it.” Maybe they respond. Maybe someone else does. Either way, you just stood out as someone thoughtful in a space filled with noise. That’s not altruism. That’s smart.

Some will call it manipulative. It’s not. It’s just realistic. You’re not pretending to be kind. You’re just realizing that kindness actually benefits you too. Better environment. More connection. And often, better opportunities.

Conclusion

The person who asked for kindness online expected people to respond from the heart. But without offering anything in return, they got disappointment instead.

Most people don’t act kindly because they’re wired to look for a return. If there’s no upside, kindness gets skipped.

So shift the ask.

Don’t tell people to be better. Show them how being kind gets them more—better reputation, more reach, a better feed, a better day.

Next time you see someone struggling online, drop a kind word. Not because you're selfless.

But because it’s one of the lowest-effort moves you can make—and the upside is bigger than you think.