Softwares Won't Help You Improve Your Friendships

Explaining Why Dale Carnegie Spoke About Remembering Their Name

Today on Product Hunt, I saw a new app called Friendzone. It brands itself as a “personal CRM” for relationships. Promising to act as a second brain for friendships, Friendzone offers reminders for birthdays, tracks conversations, and nudges you to stay connected—all to help keep bonds strong despite packed schedules.

It’s a tempting pitch. But no app, no matter how clever, can recreate the kind of connection that happens when you remember the people you care about—naturally and without prompts.

Friendzone is great at keeping things organized. But it misses the core of what makes a friendship feel meaningful. When you recall someone’s name, birthday, or quirky hobby without effort, it’s a quiet signal that they matter to you. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, understood this well. He taught that remembering personal details is one of the simplest ways to show someone they’re valued.

This isn’t about calendar hygiene. It’s about choosing a few people to invest in—so your mind can do what it does best: quietly hold onto what matters, and forget what doesn’t.

Why Remembering Names Strengthens Relationships

Carnegie’s advice about remembering names still holds up. Using someone’s name or bringing up something specific about them builds warmth and trust. But this isn’t just about memorizing things like you’re prepping for a quiz.

What made Carnegie’s point stick is that it taps into the subconscious. Your brain naturally remembers what’s important to you.

There’s an evolutionary reason behind this. Our brains were wired to prioritize relationships long before they learned to organize spreadsheets. Back in tribal days, strong bonds helped with survival—protection, cooperation, belonging. So, our minds learned to hold onto names, quirks, and birthdays—not because they were on a checklist, but because they mattered to the group.

That’s why remembering your friend’s favorite sci-fi series or the name of their dog sticks. Not because you wrote it down. Because your brain flagged it as important.

And that natural recall means something. When you bring up a friend’s new pottery class without needing a reminder, it shows you’ve been paying attention. That’s different from a “Happy birthday!” text triggered by an app. One feels human. The other, like a system going through the motions.

Friendzone can log data. But it can’t create that emotional signal. Only your memory can.

Signaling Is Also Useful in Other Areas of Life

This kind of subconscious signaling shows up in other areas too.

Take gift-giving. A thoughtful, handmade gift—like a bookmark with a shared quote—means more than a last-minute gadget prompted by a reminder. It signals presence. It says you’ve been thinking about them on your own time.

Same goes for public speaking. Someone who speaks from the heart, without notes, comes off as confident and real. Now picture someone glued to their slides. One leaves an impression. The other gets forgotten.

Even at work, a simple “How’s Luna?” to your coworker about their new puppy hits differently than a CRM-powered “Hope you’re well.” The first shows they’re on your mind. The second shows your software is.

Whether it’s gifts, conversations, or speeches, the effect is the same. Subconscious memory signals care in a way you can’t fake.

Consciously Choose Your Close Friends

So how do you build real friendships in a world full of nudges and notifications?

Start by picking a few people and deciding, on purpose, that they matter.

That’s it.

Your brain is built to prioritize what you care about. But you have to give it a clear signal. If you try to give equal energy to 200 contacts, nothing sticks. But when you focus on a handful of meaningful relationships, your mind starts to do the heavy lifting.

Apps like Friendzone can still help. They’re great for managing surface-level relationships—colleagues, neighbors, people you care about but don’t see often. Let them handle reminders and schedules.

But for the people who matter most? Go all-in. Let your memory lead.

Start simple. Pick your core crew. Make plans. Go deep. Ask about their fears, dreams, the song they played on repeat in college. Those details will start to stick—not because you wrote them down, but because you actually care.

And that’s the point. Your subconscious is already tracking what matters most to you. You just have to tell it where to focus.

Software can manage data. But only your memory can signal love, attention, and care in a way that feels real.

Friendzone promises to help your friendships. But it skips the part that matters: how we instinctively remember the people we care about.

That quiet “I remembered this about you” is where connection lives. Use apps for logistics if you want. But for the core of your friendships, trust your memory.

It already knows who’s important.