How did I stop being jealous of others
Jealousy is a manifestation of people pleasing.
I was a jealous person.
During my school time, I was pressured by my parents to become the top of the class. I was only able to enter the top 10 and was never happy about my grades. And was jealous of the success of my friends.
In the last few years, I have been more exposed to the internet. I started comparing myself with young entrepreneurs and feeling like a failure. It felt like I had all the resources needed to get success but still failed to achieve enough.
The feeling of inadequacy haunted me throughout my life, and that turned into jealousy and unhappiness. But now I understand the root cause behind all of these so can handle this emotion better.
Jealousy stems from feeling survival threat
First of all, Jealousy is a normal emotion, and that emotion is connected to evolutionary mechanisms outside of our control. So we should not feel guilt for having these thoughts.
According to the 2nd law of human psychology, the subconscious mind is focused on ensuring our survival. It prioritizes tasks that it feels would help with our survival.
So feeling jealous must have some usefulness. It gives us the signal to do something about our current situation.
Jealousy is a coping mechanism
Let’s get back to the initial story I shared from my school days.
I was dependent on my parents, so I was scared about making them angry. So I wished for my peers to do worse in the exams, so I wouldn’t look bad in front of my parents.
Feeling jealous and ruminating about my friends didn’t improve my grades, but it gave me some temporary relief to feel better about my situation.
We need to have stronger boundaries
I was a people-pleaser earlier, hence I always explained my every action to others. I felt resentment, and wished others not ask me anything but couldn’t say “no”. And that resulted in feeling jealous, making excuses, and wishing bad results for others.
Now I have stronger interpersonal boundaries and stopped explaining what I am doing to people who are judgemental of me. I have made a lot of progress in my life very quickly, earlier in my software development job and now writing online. I feel happier and more content with my life now.
It isn’t perfect yet, but I don’t feel any excuses for my failures. I am only focused on solving my issues and moving forward.
A few weeks back I saw a LinkedIn post from a friend about his promotion in his software engineering job.
I felt genuinely happy for him and wanted him to do better. Because I am no longer interested in this corporate rat race. Even if someone compares me to that friend, I will laugh and ignore those comments.
Jealousy stops when we stop caring about what others think of us.
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